100 Ways to Annoy England
by LordofAmus
Summary: A list of 100 ways to annoy England. I do not own Hetalia. Please R&R.


100 Ways to Annoy England

1. Insult his tea/cooking.

2. Speak French.

3. Say 'learned' instead of 'learnt'.

4. Tell him that unicorns are just colorful horses with ice cream cones on their head.

5. Touch his eyebrows.

6. Say his eyebrows look like fluffy caterpillars.

7. Call the British football soccer.

8. Randomly scream in his face.

9. Stare at him like he has three eyes until he screams at you.

10. Call him a punk.

11. Call him random nicknames like 'butt-munch'.

12. Insist that he watches 'uni-porn' or unicorns doing porn.

13. Ask if Tinkerbelle is his friend.

14. Ask what drugs he's on to see his fairy friends.

15. Insist that he is a pedophile.

16. Say that France is an example of a perfect gentleman.

17. Tell him Sealand is a country.

18. Repeat his name over and over until he walks away.

19. When he starts talking, keep yelling "WHAT?" until he gets frustrated.

20. Say that the Irish (or the American) have better food.

21. Poke him repeatedly.

22. Brag about how awesome you are.

23. Get into a fight with America over who's more heroic in front of him.

24. Tell him that he's no longer an empire.

25. Ask him to wear a bikini.

26. Show him your 'new' bird imitations.

27. With every question he asks you, promptly reply with "Would you like some fries with that?"

28. Insist that coffee is better than tea.

29. Insult the Queen/King.

30. Ask him if he knows Jack Sparrow.

31. Jump around his room and flap your wing pretending that you're a bird.

32. Go commando during a World Meeting.

33. Get a fairy costume and randomly run into his house and dance on his table.

34. Keep repeating 'P. Sherman, 42 Wallaby Way, Sydney.'

35. Fart in his face and insist on always calling him 'fart-face.'

36. Randomly sing 'Big Balls' whenever around a big crowd.

37. Friend him on Facebook and try to list him as your wife.

38. Once you are friends, post "Wow! Last night was amazing wasn't it?" on his Wall and make sure to tell everyone to reply to it.

39. Constantly repeat 'Winning' after everything you do, no matter what you're doing.

40. Challenge him to Beer Pong and shout out 'Red Solo Cup."

41. Ask for a balloon.

42. Call him a 'Senior Citizen' and 'Old-Man' and 'Liver-Spot Iggy.'

43. Pop bubble wrap in his face.

44. Try to flush a feminine product down his toilet.

45. Act like a teenage girl with lots of hormones and when he asks what is wrong with you, start screaming and crying uncontrollably. This is most effective in a public setting.

46. Randomly yell 'pillow fight' during a meeting and start hitting him in the face with a pillow.

47. Wear your underwear on his head.

48. Sing 'Twinkle Twinkle Little Star' as loud as you can.

49. Insist that you can speak squirrel and start squeaking and trying to eat nuts.

50. Put war paint on your face and start talking gibberish very loudly.

51. Make 'mating noises' to him during a meeting.

52. Say that scones are just a burnt cookie.

53. Randomly yell 'Happy Birthday' and proceed to sing Frosty the Snow Man, even in July.

54. Whenever there is a silence, claim that gay babies are born.

55. Wear Speedos.

56. Make unnecessary sound affects when doing the simplest things…like when going to the bathroom.

57. Call him 'muchacho' whenever you talk to him.

58. Ask him if he takes meds. When he says no, ask him why not. When he gets offended, tell him that he needs to lay off the smokes.

59. Ask him where babies come from.

60. Ask him where he parked the bat mobile.

61. Randomly yell 'I HAVE TO TINKLE/ PEE PEE/ POOP/ DUMP!' whenever you feel like raising a few (caterpillar) eyebrows.

62. Pretend to be Louie from Family Guy and repeat 'Iggy' repeativly, then 'Mom', then 'Mommy', then "Momma' and then whatever floats your boat until he yells at you. When he does, say 'hi' and run away.

63. When he's asleep, dip his hand in warm water and see if he wets the bed.

64. Stack Red Solo Cups all over his desk.

65. Yell "Four" and see if anyone looks for a golf ball.

66. Smile like an idiot and when he asks what you're smiling about claim it's just your 'pudding face.'

67. Make monkey noises and jump all around the furniture.

68. Whenever he frowns at you, pout at him and call him 'Mr. Grumpy Gills.'

69. Pretend to be a knight and 'dub' him 'Sir Scowls-A-Lot.'

70. Dress up like a Zombie and try to eat him while shouting 'brains.'

71. Tell him that 'Silly rabbit, Trix are for kids.' When he asks what you're talking about, tell him that Sealand is a fluffy bunny and wants some trix.

72. Ask him who cut the cheese and randomly produce a slice of cheese from your pocket.

73. Practice your roars and when he asks what you're dinosaur, scream that you're a dinosaur and try to grab him with your t-rex arms.

74. Walk around like a cowboy and when he asks what you're doing, say 'This town ain't big enough for the two of us' and pretend to shoot him.

75. When he gets irritable, ask him if he has his period.

76. Walk like a chicken and peck at your food while making squawking noises.

77. Pretend to give birth to a hippo.

78. Say 'in bed' after everything.

79. Practice your donkey impersonations loudly.

80. Wear a thong and claim you're a sumo wrestler.

81. Run around in circles and make airplane noises.

82. Crawl around on the floor and roll around the floor like a ninja.

83. Make suggestive noises.

84. Give him a hamburger.

85. Make random, hardly noticeable noises whenever you take a step.

86. Sing 'London Bridge is Falling Down!'

87. Scream that the worlds going to end.

88. Tap your fingers randomly.

89. Tell him you have a very important secret (stress the 'very') and then proceed to burp in his ear with a pause of antic….pation.

90. Pet a fluffy kitty and say "Say hello to my little friend."

91. Teach a parrot to repeat everything he says.

92. Randomly give thumbs up.

93. Ask him if he's been a good boy.

94. Get a perm and ask what he thinks. No matter what his answer is, start crying and yelling that he's mean.

95. Pretend to be a Gorilla and pound your fists on your chest.

96. Whenever he comes over, yell "The British are coming!"

97. Repeat the last three words that he says.

98. Draw out your speech so it's agonizingly slow.

99. Scream like a girl whenever you see a small bug.

100. Pretend to be a skunk.


End file.
